SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE - Introduction

"So you're a right-winger now?"
"No. I believe in redistribution of wealth, caring for the environment, and equal rights and opportunities for everyone. I couldn't easily be more left-wing."
"So how come you're against women's rights?"
"Again - I'm not - I've always believed women should have the same rights and opportunities as men. I just don't really believe that men and women are all that unequal any more, at least in the UK."

"Well it's not really up to you to tell women what to think is it?"

"I don't think it's up to anyone to tell anyone what to think. We all have to make up our own minds. I think the study of how men and women relate to each other has been taken over by feminism, which has given us a huge amount of insight into woman's experience but ignores the other half of the story."

"Oh I think we know more than enough about men thanks."

"Yes - I know you think that. Women often claim to know more about what it's like to be a man than men do. And if we disagree they accuse us of being in denial, or lying. But it is remarkable how often women are wrong."

"Well you would say that wouldn't you."

"Prove me wrong."

At this point my interlocutor will give me a long list of bad things women have to put up with, none of which I disagree with. What they're missing out is the bad things men have to put up with. Everybody has to put up with bad things. I agree the bad things may be different, but the overall levels of bad things men and women have to put up with are just not that different any more. At this point my interlocutor either laughs, tries to insult me, or leaves. The idea that men suffer in any serious way is ridiculous - unthinkable - not worth serious consideration.

And yet they do. For example, according to ONS data men are far more likely to die young than women by every means except child-birth. This seems pretty serious to me. In particular they're twice as likely to be murdered, but also far more likely to be killed or injured at work, or die from 'self medication' (addiction) or 'self-harm' (suicide), or taking risks trying to prove themselves as men. 
Why does this not matter? I think there are three interlocking reasons - people believe 1. that men have the power, so if they get into trouble it's their own fault, 2. that men are big and tough so they can handle it, and 3. that they probably deserve it because they're bad people. In contrast women are 1. powerless and oppressed, 2. the weaker sex, and 3. innocent victims. In my experience most people buy into at least some of these beliefs. Indeed I used to believe them myself, until recently.

The first is orthodox feminist theory - men simply are more powerful than women. It's the patriarchy. It's a man's world. "If you wanted to change things you'd have done it by now." And yet the vast majority of people - men and women - have no real power or wealth at all. Most people are poor/working class. The world is run by a small number of mostly old white men. There is an old boy network for sure but most of us are not part of it. There is no patriarchal trickle-down effect. The pay gap exists (and is getting wider) because the male average is skewed by that tiny minority of very wealthy, very powerful men. It's not men vs women - it's those few powerful men vs the rest of us.

The other source of power is violence. Recent feminism has been telling women that violence is a normal part of male behaviour. "We can't trust any of you." they say. "You could kill me with your bare hands." "We'd rather take our chances with a bear." 

But violence is not normal - it's a crime, and the vast majority of crimes are perpetrated by a small minority of reoffenders. Most criminals are men - true, but most men are not criminals. We are all likely to be the victims of violent men at some time or another, but the vast majority of human interactions are not violent. Men are at least as likely to be the victims of male violence as women. There is a perception that men being attacked by other men is ok - that it's consensual violence. Lads fighting among themselves are generally not reported as crimes unless someone ends up in hospital. "He got into a fight" they say, but most attacks are by a few hard men on those they perceive as different or vulnerable in some way, and few of us are able to defend ourselves. We just run away or lie still and hope they get bored. 

Violence against men is not taken seriously. Films and dramas and computer games are full of men being injured, tortured and killed. It's fun. Violence against women is far more disturbing. In war, casualties among women and children are reported, but not men. They don't really count it seems. Men are expendable cannon-fodder - both in war and industry.

Beyond these two principal measures of male power - wealth and violence - women complain of a myriad other smaller, more subtle injustices where men criticise, deride or disrespect women. Again though there's a failure to consider how life is for men. Do men respect other men? Do women respect men? (Do women respect each other? I have it on good authority that they don't). Derision and criticism are normal parts of human life. People dislike and disagree with each other for all sorts of reasons and express it in various ways. If feminism was campaigning for all of us to be kinder to each other it would make more sense, but they're not. Women can be as unpleasant to men as they like, but men criticising or ridiculing women is sexist or even misogynist. The argument is that men criticising women is 'punching down' because women have less power. I've talked about this above but in any case, on an individual basis it makes no sense. I know many women who are better off than I am, have better jobs, nicer homes, and more status generally. Am I still supposed to relate to them as if I'm the one with the power?